Back Story
A couple of months ago I went to a worship conference at GUMC and something started to break open in me. One of the things that stuck with me is that worship is never about the worshipper, it’s about the one we worship. It’s a gift, an offering of oneself to the person or object we are worshipping. I started to become a bit less stiff in my worship, I stood when others weren’t and raised both of my hands, I joined the prayer team. Then Michelle and I went and saw Chris Tomlin, my term for that night is undignified. In 2 Samuel 6: 21-22 King David says “I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes.” He’s talking about dancing, and leaping, and singing, in honor of God. The image is beautiful. So that night I danced, I sang, I jumped up and down, it was amazing, and the something that had started to break open burst out. I can no longer be contained, I’m a bit undignified at all times, BUT I feel like God has me right where he wants me. I’m good with this.
Where I am Now
I have been praying for awakening in my church, in the body of Christ as a whole. I feel a pervasive attitude of apathy all around me and I don’t understand it. We worship the God who hung the stars, who created us in his own image, who loves us all exactly where we are, no matter who we are, and we are apathetic? I just don’t understand how, if you know these things, you could be anything but in complete awe of him. He is amazing. Period. Church do you understand what he did for you? Do you really get it, in your core? The God who created the universe, that is still expanding by the way, 4 words, still going, He came to earth and died for us. Brutally, painfully, humiliatingly died for us. And we are apathetic???
I have also been really frustrated lately, because here I have this mountaintop experience, I feel like I can’t come down and then I’m given a thorn in my flesh. My thorn is anger, it keeps me humble, it draws me nearer to God. I have to give that particular emotion over to him every single day or I will become a raging crazy person that you would not recognize. Sometimes I have to give it to him multiple times daily. Thank you God for your limitless grace.
I am absolutely torn apart by what is happening in Iraq right now. People are dying daily, lots of people, for their belief in God. They are standing tall and not renouncing their faith, it is so amazing to see that, they are in Heaven in endless worship now because of it. Martyrs. Lord have mercy.
The Result
Praying for awakening for others, God has given me my own awakening instead, listening to a song, of all things. Awakening by Chris Tomlin, I’ll link it at the end. There’s a line that says “I hear your voice say, this is MY awakening” I’ve been listening to the song over and over for days and today that line jumped out at me and I knew I needed to pay attention to it.
This is my awakening. God is showing me that I am so much more than a mother of 3 and a wife and a daughter, I am more than a fan of Jesus, I am a FOLLOWER of Jesus and there is a HUGE difference. I am called to serve others and love others unconditionally and I will do that. I don’t care who you are, you are made in the image of God and he loves you, so do I. I am done with the trivial things of this world, I am standing up for my faith, I’m different, I’m undignified, I’m happy.
1 Thessalonians 5: 12-19 Now we ask you, brothers, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong , but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit.
This is how I’m going to live my life, will you join me?
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