I've decided I really don't care all that much. I so need a place to get my thoughts and emotions out of me and this seems like a theraputic way to do it. I don't know how much I'll be on here but we'll see. It all depends on what God puts on my heart. Seems to be when he REALLY has something to say to me, like in BIG, BOLD, TERMS, I cannot keep it in. I just have to get it out.
Right now, he's speaking to me, more like yelling, but he's definetely there and he's about to give me a Gibb's slap, I'm sure.
See, the last couple of months have been exceptionally wearing on my family. I'm pregnant, 4.5 months now, and that's a whole load of emotions by itself. Throw in the fact that we are searching for a new place to live (our's is DEFINETELY not conducive to having a third child) and my husband is trying to find a job (he stays home with the kids), and we only have one car. That just means there's a lot of stress right now.
I've had a really hard time hearing God. I haven't been praying, I haven't been reading my bible, I haven't been walking my walk, I'm not fully in this relationship with my heavenly father right now. The sad part is that I know it and I want to change it so badly. I ache deep within me for that connection, for that peace, for that joy. I just can't seem to get there.
I have a giant God sized hole in my soul.
And I'm tired of it.
I'm going to steal something from my friend Michelle here and I hope she will forgive me, it's just been stuck in my head since church yesterday and I can't get rid of it. The praise band sang SMS Shine by David Crowder Band. It's a beautiful song, it moves me straight to my core.
But there's one line in the chorus that gets me every time, it just makes me cry. It is THE cry of my soul at this time.
"Pull me up I, need to be near you"
I so so so need to be near God now. He is the ONLY way, I cannot do this on my own.
So, I'm blogging to hold me accountable, I want this heart to be overcome and completely obedient to my Lord.
This is my start
it's a good start... the best one, really. You know where you're headed and Who to follow. I'll be right beside you too. <3
ReplyDeleteJust keep swimming.... just keep swimming... swimming, swimming, swimming toward the Light.
As you know, music moves me. He speaks to me through music more than anything and I think you are the same, so keep that praise music ON. Be available to hear Him. Journaling my thoughts definitely helps me too so if you think that will help, keep writing. Trust that His timing is perfect and wait for His perfect plan to unfold in you.
Love U!