Forewarning, this post may be really long and you probably already know the story, but I need to get it out.
The day this picture was taken was a PERFECT day. It was Sunday, we'd had a great church service and Jonathon decided to skip work so that we could spend the day together. We went to Walnut Ridge and Jonathon, Justin, and Cody were disc golfing, the kids and I were along for the walk. It was fantastic, it was peaceful, it was everything a summer day should be.
We went home to continue the fellowship and had chicken and noodles for dinner (this would be my favorite meal) and about an hour and a half later I had the gall bladder attack that put me in the hospital. I had been having attacks while I was pregnant but there was nothing they could do because of the baby. I had been thinking on this fantastic day that maybe I didn't need to follow up with the surgeon, it had been almost three weeks since Ethan was born and I hadn't had another attack, maybe the problem resolved itself.
I WAS WRONG!
Jonathon took me to the hospital and I couldn't even talk because of the pain, it was awful. They pumped me full of drugs and did an ultrasound, I begged the tech to find stones or inflammation so that they would take my gall bladder out. No way I could live through this again. Be careful what you wish for.
The original ultrasound I had while pregnant showed that I had some stones but they weren't blocking anything and I had a cyst on my liver. No big deal, it should go away. Well this one was different. The cyst was not on my liver, it was very large and on my pancreas. They were not going to remove my gall bladder and in fact were admitting me for more testing. I have to be honest, I did not care about a stupid cyst on my pancreas I wanted my gall bladder out right away. They admitted me anyway.
The next morning I had a CT, Jonathon hadn't made it back to the hospital yet when the doctor came and saw me with the results. They didn't really know what it was, but just that it was very large. What they thought it was, is not good and very rare. I was told to contact my family because this was serious.
WHAT? I'm 28 years old! I just had a baby! WHAT IS GOING ON?
They kept me another day and did an MRI. A GI specialist came in to see me and said she wanted to do an endoscopic ultrasound in a week and biopsy it. We wouldn't have results for another week after, then they would decide what to do. I was not okay with this, why not just take it out? I'm in the hospital already, just do it.
Then Dr Franko came in. He said he felt that I had a Mucinoid Cystic Adenoma, it is a horomone fed TUMOR and it occurs in women my age, it is very rare. It is very large, at least 11cm across. It is on the tail of my pancreas and has infiltrated all of the vessels going to my spleen. My spleen is enlarged and has to come out. He couldn't tell if it was in my stomach or just pushing on it, so I may lose part of that as well, also it has infiltrated my aorta, if he can't repair it he will take part of my carotid and patch it. I am going to lose about 40% of my pancreas, I will probably end up being diabetic, it has to come out, surgery is Friday.
I couldn't talk, I couldn't think, I was numb. Jonathon had to handle all phone calls, I couldn't do it. All I could think about was my babies. What if I died? How would Jonathon raise them alone? Why?
That was Tuesday and they sent me home. For a surgery this extensive I had to go to a different hospital and I was going to be there for a week. I wasn't going to be allowed to pick my newborn up for at least two weeks after. I wasn't going to feel like doing anything most likely.
To my husband's everlasting credit, he was a ROCK. I mean steady and strong the whole time. If he wasn't he certainly didn't show me. I spent most of the next couple of days crying and begging God to fix this. I was a mess.
My friend Michelle was my other rock, as soon as she found out she was on the scene, mothering me and my family and keeping us focused. She was at the hospital all day for surgery, she brought snacks, she prayed, she kept my Mom and my husband out of their own heads. After surgery she decorated my room and organized a meal train, she was and is always there for me.
Joanna gave me her flip book of bible verses. I tried to sneak it into surgery with me but that wasn't happening. This is my favorite verse and I think it's my life verse.
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the Lord always for the Lord God is the eternal rock.
Isaiah 26:3-4
I still recite it to myself at least daily.
Needless to say, I made it to the other side, I am healed and I am whole. The tumor was not cancerous, it was bigger than they thought and he had to take about 50% of my pancreas but that's okay. My stomach was fine and he was able to repair my aorta.
The day we found out I didn't have cancer and that I was going to be fine, Jonathon looked at me and said "Thank you for not dying, please never scare me like that again."
The new problem was the scar. It took me several days in the hospital before I looked at it and I did NOT like it. It was ugly and HUGE, from one side of my belly to the other. I didn't want Jonathon to see it, I certainly didn't want him to touch it.
I've gained a new perspective on it.
You see without the bible, without the prayers, without the music, without the support of my church, family, and friends we never would have made it through this.
As I was listening to this song this morning I looked in the mirror and I looked at my scar and I realized that it's just a reminder of how much God loves me. How much he loves my family. Today I am thankful for Ethan for ruining my gallbladder and I'm thankful for my beautiful scar and how it reminds me that God has ALWAYS ALWAYS GOT ME!
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